I have a confession to make: I am already decorating for Christmas. I know, I know: there is an unspoken, but very clear, rule regarding this. Christmas decorations cannot go up in one's house until after Thanksgiving. It seems to have something to do with allowing Thanksgiving to stand on it's own, enjoy its own time in the spotlight, before the red-suited bully pushes his way on stage. In theory, I agree with this. Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday. After all, what's not to love about a day dedicated to being grateful for what we have, spending time with family, and eating delicious food?
But, the fact is, my very favorite holiday is Christmas. I love Christmas to a ridiculous degree. The music never gets old for me; in fact, it often makes me tear up. Happy, nostalgic tears, right there in the aisle at Target. I'm a sucker for the decorations. Show me a store that looks, as my husband puts it "like someone puked Christmas all over this place", and I'm in paroxysms of joy. All of my favorite things to cook are family Christmas traditions (my caramels are legendary). I plan out gifts months in advance, but I don't shop until well into the season. Why? Because I love being the stores when they have all their decorations up, music playing, and the amazing buzz of energy from crowds of shoppers. All this from someone who usually avoids crowds at all costs.
I have half a dozen family traditions that we stick to every year. All the kids know that they get to open one gift on Christmas Eve, just before bed. It's always pajamas. Not the most thrilling gift for a kid, but the one time I suggested eliminating the tradition to save money, we about had a mutiny. I was delighted, since this was my favorite tradition as a child. Decorating the Christmas tree means homemade hot chocolate and snacks. Each of my children has a bird assigned to them. I picked it out for them when they were tiny. Every year, they get an ornament of their bird. Ian gets cardinals; Bryn, chickadees; Sam, bluebirds. This is Astrid's first Christmas, and everyone seems to have started giving her owls from birth, so she will be my little owl (which is slightly complicated, since I had also been giving her father owls. I guess we will have to label them somehow). Oddly, I had never gotten myself anything particular until last year. From here on out, I am either a birdhouse, or a nest.
Friends and family treat this love of Christmas the way they would any insane love of something. With polite smiles, snickers behind my back, and "well, that's just the way she it". Just like they would for someone who was really into dolphins, or Star Trek, or coin collecting. It's just this weird thing I do, hahaha.
It doesn't seem super odd until you learn that I'm an atheist. (*record scratch* Wait, what?!) Ummm, yeah. I love Christmas more than anyone over the age of seven. Certainly more than any self-respecting atheist should admit.
I can hear the collective question in everyone's mind: WHY?!
Lets start with the way Christmas is celebrated. There are, on the surface, many secular aspects of it. Santa Clause, though he started as a religious figure, is largely neutral at this point. I believed in Santa a lot longer than most kids. I grew up poor. My mom was a single mother, who put herself through school and then tried to raise the three of us on a teacher's salary. I was familiar, from a very early age, with the idea that things cost money, and we didn't have money. But, somehow, on Christmas morning, the deepest desire of my childish heart would be sitting under that beautiful tree. I know now that it was the result of tremendous sacrifice and effort on the part of my mother, but, back then, magic seemed to be the most logical explanation. And I was the daughter of an unreliable, absent father. The idea that there was a man out there who cared what I wanted, noticed my behavior, and wanted to make me happy? It was comforting.
I love doing things for other people. I don't tend to spend a lot of money on gifts, but I love putting real thought and effort into finding something that will be cherished by a friend or family member. I often make gifts, which adds a whole other layer of fun to the process.
Speaking of making things; food. Oh my. I love to bake, and Christmas is the time I can really go crazy. Cookies, pie, bread, candies! I can make them all! I can give them to random people (the mailman, the UPS guy, the lady from the electric company, the secretary, principal, and all the teachers at the school)! What could be better than that?
There is a big cultural push for charity and service at Christmas time. I love that. I wish it kept up all year, but I will enjoy it while I can. I make an effort to keep it going myself, but sometimes it can feel like a lonely endeavor 'round about July or August. When the whole of society is focused on helping those less fortunate, being giving, being kind...it feels like the kind of world I want to live in. Too often, especially lately, it feels like everyone is divided by ideology, religion, politics. When the majority of people are, for once, paying attention to the "peace on earth, goodwill towards man" thing, we get a bit closer. I'm not saying it's perfect: there are the utterly ridiculous fights about "Merry Christmas" vs "Happy Holidays", and, no, not everyone celebrates anything at all this time of year...but in general, there is a little more positivity out there, and I like that.
And finally, there is the Christmas story itself. I spent several years working on the Labor and Delivery floor of a hospital. I spent a couple more working at a children's hospital. I've been a doula (a professional childbirth assistant) for 12 years. I've seen dozens of babies take their first breath. I've seen thousands more in the hours immediately following that. I've had four babies of my own. Every single time, I am blown away. They are perfect, amazing little bundles of possibility. They can be or do ANYTHING! The story of a child born into less-than-ideal circumstances, who then goes on to save the world? It resonates with me, because...couldn't they all? What if we treated every single child like they were here to save to world? I've found that, usually, kids live up to what we expect from them. There are some really big challenges ahead for humanity. I hope we can leave something other than unending wars and conflict and pockets of starvation and poverty scattered amongst the technology and wealth. So far, what I'm seeing from the adults isn't encouraging. I'm hoping I can expect better from all the kids I've known.
So, if I am downright annoying, what with the singing and the decorating and the baking and sappy Christmas stuff, at least now you know why. And if you are looking for someone to go caroling with, or driving around looking at lights, or wandering around the mall, or baking cookies...well, I'm your girl.
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